


Dream Diary

by Dark_Dreymer



Category: Big Wolf on Campus
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 20:19:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11516712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Dreymer/pseuds/Dark_Dreymer
Summary: Tommy wasn’t the sort of person who would read his friend’s diary but a dream diary wasn’t the same thing. It wasn’t like he’d find any secrets among the accounts of Sarah Michelle Geller fantasies and socially awkward nightmare scenarios.





	Dream Diary

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older fic, I'm simply adding it to the archive.
> 
> Content Warning: Although there is no actual violence in this fic, a character does dread and anticipate physical violence as a result of internalized homophobia.

Tommy wasn’t the sort of person who would read his friend’s diary but a dream diary wasn’t the same thing. It wasn’t like he’d find any secrets among the accounts of Sarah Michelle Geller fantasies and socially awkward nightmare scenarios... and besides, it was practically Merton’s fault for leaving it out in the open and if he was upset, Tommy could level the playing field by depicting an NFL or Pam Anderson fantasy of his own. At least, those were the various thoughts that Tommy used to justify reading the diary, not acknowledging the more truthful fact that he simply wanted a distraction from the various creepy ornaments decorating the Lair.  
   
The first dream he read about seemed to involve the moon and Merton had gone into painful detail analyzing what it could mean, skipping over that Tommy was startled to see his name: _…same dream again, I’m starting to worry that Tommy will notice something’s up. It’s getting harder to hide it and a couple of times it’s been hard to tell if I’m dreaming or not._ Curiosity getting the better of him Tommy started to turn back through the book, finding his name on almost every page: _…at the park with Tommy…, …we were fighting zombies and he dragged me into an abandoned house to hide…, …scored a touchdown that won us the game and he ran over to hug me…_ The scenarios changed but all the dreams seemed to be unified by one fact, in every dream Merton was dreaming about Tommy kissing him.  
   
Leaving the diary upturned on the desk Tommy gave in to the panic rising in his chest and ran out the door, not stopping until he had made it home.

*

“Hey.” Merton’s voice startled Tommy and he sighed, bumping his head against his locker door in exhaustion. “Tired?”  
“A bit.” Tommy managed a weak smile, not sure how best to explain that the reason he hadn’t gotten any sleep was that he’d been up obsessing about what he’d seen in Merton’s dream diary.  
“Is that why you left last night, you were tired?” Tommy could tell from Merton’s hopeful tone that he had found the open diary.  
“Listen, Merton.” Tommy checked to see if there was anyone who might overhear before he leaned in close and whispered, “I read your diary last night.”  
“Oh.” From the way Merton visibly deflated Tommy knew he’d been right to think Merton had suspected it anyway.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“I…” Merton started but stopped short, “Wait, you’re not mad?”  
As Tommy opened his mouth to respond, the bell for the start of lesson sounded, “Damn.” Punching his locker, Tommy pushed himself off it and turned to walk down the corridor, “We’ll talk later, Merton.”  
“Okay,” Merton replied, waving slightly and trying to fight the urge to vomit.

*

Merton resisted the urge to curse as he heard Tommy’s voice calling him from across the parking lot, “Is it okay if I come over?” The jock asked once he’d jogged over.  
“Sure,” Merton replied, settling into the hearse and risking a glance across to the passenger seat, but Tommy was looking fixedly ahead. The drive back was tense to say the least, the tension between them was almost tangible and Merton found himself choking on it like some thick fog; a vague part at the back of his mind wondered if crashing the car would be more or less painful than the conversation he’d have to have once they arrived. Tommy remained silent throughout the whole journey and as they made their way down to the Lair, it was only when the door shut behind them that the jock spoke.  
   
“Why didn’t you tell me, Merton?” Tommy’s voice was expertly guarded so Merton couldn’t tell if his friend was angry, interested or just plain curious. With no way to predict the reaction he’d receive, Merton found himself wondering if the truth would be the best path or if a little damage control would be necessary. Eventually deciding on an all-or-nothing gamble, Merton decided to go with the truth.  
“At first I was just confused about my feelings…” Not looking at Tommy as he spoke, the goth made his way towards his desk, fingers tapping out a rhythm on the cover of the diary that had caused this problem in time with his words, “…by the time I figured it out Lori was on the scene and you were always saying that you wanted to date her, and then that you wanted to get back together with her… I suppose I just decided that it wasn’t worth risking our friendship by telling you the truth when there was so little chance that anything would happen…” Sighing, Merton looked up at Tommy with defeated eyes, “I guess that ends now though, huh?”  
“What ends now?”  
Tommy didn’t seem to get what Merton was referring to so he decided to spell it out: “Now that you know, there’s no way things can go back to the way things were.”  
“Oh… I sort of didn’t want things going back to the way they were.” Tommy rubbed the back of his neck, a slight flush tingeing his cheeks in embarrassment.  
“I figured as much.” Merton dropped his gaze, heart freezing to a solid and spiky chunk in his chest, “Don’t worry, I promise I’ll keep your lycanthropy a secret. You can go back to your popular friends and pretend you never knew me now.”  
“Merton!” Tommy slammed his hands down on the desk in aggression.  
Merton winced at the noise and stood up, “I’d hoped we could settle this without resorting to violence, but…” Lifting his shirt so his back was exposed, Merton grit his teeth and tensed, “For the sake of our friendship over the past few months, may I request: no claws.”  
   
When the touch finally came, it was a lot gentler than the goth had been expecting and located on his shoulder.  
“Merton…” Tommy turned his friend to look at him, “Why would I want to hurt you?”  
“…because I like you, and there’s no way you could allow a guy to have a crush on you,” Merton spoke nervously, revealing the thoughts that had tormented him whenever he’d contemplated telling Tommy, “…because I’m the scum of the earth and deserve to burn in the fires of Hell, because-”  
Tommy squeezed at Merton’s shoulder, cutting his rambling speech short. “Don’t say those things!” Tommy’s voice was filled with such aggression that Merton winced away and shut his eyes tightly, though the sharp claws suddenly digging into the flesh of his shoulder let him know that Tommy had wolfed-out, “I thought you knew me better than that, Merton.” Opening his eyes at the fragile tone of Tommy’s voice, Merton saw the look of sadness mixed in with the anger in his luminous eyes.  
“You don’t… hate me?” Merton asked, some part of his mind wondering if he had developed shell shock.  
“Because you’re gay? Holy- Merton!” Tommy exclaimed in frustration, “Just because I don’t want things to go back to the way they were, it doesn’t mean I want to stop being your friend.”  
“But-” As Tommy turned to look at Merton again - and the goth got another look at the vulnerable sadness shining in those wolfen eyes - he suddenly understood, “You…?” Closing the distance between them in two steps Merton’s fingers came to rest on Tommy’s cheek, the fur tickling his palm slightly.  
“Me.” Tommy nodded, his gaze fixed tight to Merton’s, conveying everything without the need of words.  
   
“I’d… like to kiss you,” Merton said shyly. “But, uh, could you maybe de-wolf first?”  
“Oh.” Tommy grinned very slightly as he realized his current state, “Could you maybe read me a haiku?”  
“Sure.” Merton nodded, his fingers still curling in the fur around Tommy’s jaw line; he had no specific poem prepared but somehow the words flowed by themselves, “A flower bud blooms. Opening for one to see. Perhaps I should too.”  
Tommy had shut his eyes, letting Merton’s words flow over him and the gentle imagery helped him resume his human shape; if he understood what Merton had meant in the haiku he didn’t show it, instead he wrapped a hand around Merton’s neck, leaning down to look at his closely. When their lips joined, Merton was surprised to find it was so different to the way he had imagined and dreamed, he’d always assumed Tommy was so experienced with kissing that he’d be dominant and sure of himself but instead the kiss was slow and tentative, as though the jock was afraid he would somehow ruin the moment. In some ways, that made Merton calmer, knowing they were on a level playing field helped him to not be too overwhelmed by the situation.  
   
The break apart between them was slightly messy, a string of saliva joining their lips and both of them left breathing heavily. Merton wiped his lips and bit back a grin as he leaned close to Tommy again, “I think I know what my moon dream was about now.”  
Tommy’s laughter was cut short by the second kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to the bwoc_fic comm on LJ in 2008.
> 
> Wow, teen-me. You were out and proud and totally didn't have any issues about your sexuality [/sarcasm].


End file.
